A guys viewpoint on dating

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why dating is such a hard thing for so many people. I think that there is a lack of good communication on both sides. I know of miscommuncation and lack of communication but I don’t think anyone really has any good solid communication. I intend to present at least what I and others of the male gender have come to conclude about dating and why our side is so difficult. I know that its hard for people on both sides of the issue. I think that both sides want to sit back and say hey just do it this way and it will work. So here’s just one side of a two sided issue. Feel free to comment and leave the other side or more of this side that I may have left out. When I first started out in the dating world I didn’t know anything and life was simple and easy but through experience and through things I’ve heard other girls say I’ve come to know enough that it’s hard to function. Girls complain that guys don’t ask girls on dates and in many instances its true. I find myself falling into the trap of “well I’d like to ask her out but….” Here’s just a quick list of the things guys have to overcome when they ask a girl out. When you do find a girl you’d be interested in asking out(which can be a long process in and of itself), it has to be a girl you feel comfortable calling. I hate the phone and I always have. You can’t ask them out via facebook or text because that’s lame. I'm down for asking in person i'm fine with that(I’ve got the guts for that) but you have to separate a girl from the pack of other girls that she’s always with.(girls always travel together, even to the bathroom. Sometimes facebook chat is the only time a guy has to get a one on one conversation in with a girl) Next, you have to have a plan in mind of what you want to do. (I’ve heard girls complain that guys are too indecisive and unprepared and that they hate it when guys don’t know what they want to do) That plan must not include dinner and a movie(Standard first date and I’ve heard girls say it just shows a total lack of creativity and then they feel guilty because it costs so much money etc) It has to be something that you haven’t done with another girl in the recent past (Girls are all connected through the girl network. Gossip gets across town faster than you can drive and girls know who you last took out and what you did with them) Also you have to factor in what sorts of things she’d enjoy. If you pick something she doesn’t like, it won’t be a fun time and you probably won’t even have a chance at a second date. But you also have to be confident and assertive. I’ve had more than one workable idea at the same time(given all that it has to pass through to be a workable idea it’s a miracle) and so I left it up to a girl to choose what she’d like best out of the ideas I presented. She was upset and said that it’s my responsibility as the guy to do the choosing. I would have been fine with any of the three I was just trying to get her input to make sure I wasn’t doing something she hated. On the other hand however I’ve heard girls say how they hate it when guys are domineering and don’t let them have any say in what’s going on and just completely dictate what’s going to happen. Oh lets not forget that you have to make sure she’s not dating someone that you haven’t heard about(because guys aren’t connected on this girl network where all information is transferred at the speed of light) If you don’t date enough girls get frustrated because you aren’t doing your duty. If you go on lots of dates with lots of girls you’re in trouble for asking too many people out and repeating ideas and all that sort of stuff. If you ask one person out till they reject you and then go for the next person until that doesn’t work out either and then the next person you get accused of being a jerk because girls feel like they’re a backup plan or a plan B or second best. There’s only so many things to do in this town.. Not only that but when you’ve been dating for a while you’re bound to have some bad experiences and so you learn from them and you try not to repeat the same mistakes. Now I not being the most perfectly observant don’t know what caused a lot of the problems. So I just avoid a whole big group of things because I know its in that group but I’m not sure what exactly it was. I think every guy has had some sort of experience where he asked a girl on a few dates and a few dates turned into a few more dates and still nothing had come of it. The girl wouldn’t say no and the guy doesn’t know what’s going on and he does everything that’s part of his job. He keeps asking and seeing what will happen only to have it end piteously. Then there are the girls who don’t have the guts to say outright no but will still lead you on in their own way. You ask them out and they say oh I’m busy that night, or oh I have other commitments and guess what I’ll take a girl at her word when she says that because I’m optimistic and presume she’s honest since that’s the sort of person I’m interested in. All of these bad experiences are playing through his mind and he has to get over them to ask a girl out. Then there’s the whole expectation of what a first date should be. Some people say a first date shouldn’t be a big deal and that it’s just a way of getting to know a person. Some people feel it to be a commitment. You have no way of knowing what the girl thinks until after you ask you. She might think the same as you and she might think differently. In the end with all of the different expectations that are put upon you its hard to tell what to do. In most of the things I mentioned there’s not really a way for a guy to find a winning solution. In some cases you could be in trouble if you do something or you could be in trouble if you don’t do that same thing. At any rate this has become rather lengthy. So If anyone has any comments about this feel free to reply and I’ll put them up. Or if you would like to remain anonymous or if some girls want to put their heads together and brainstorm and put up the other side of the story and send it to me I’m willing to post it as well. I’m not saying that what I’ve written is perfectly correct and that girls should change to make things work according to this way of doing things I’m just getting out some more information so girls can know sort of what a guy is thinking, and maybe post some relevant helpful feedback. Also if I’ve left off any factors(which I’m sure I have) guys feel free to add to this. 

One thing wrong with society

Today I'm really noticing something horribly wrong with our society. There are lots of other problems but today I wanted to focus on just one thing. Our news media overcommorates the deaths of famous people. Its a wonderful thing to mention that someone has passed away and speak a couple of nice words about them. However, what our current media does is ridiculously more than that. They have biographies and special programs and they go on and on and then they keep talking some more about people who have died. Our culture has become obsessed with death. I was listening to the radio today and inbetween songs they were taking calls from people who wanted to talk about Michael Jackson's passing. People were saying things like "I've been balling my eyes out since i've heard the news." and "I haven't been able to function or do anything today since I heard about it." That's the type of reaction I would expect from someone who had just lost a family member or close friend. For those who are family and close friends of Michael Jackson that would be an appropriate response, but for the average Joe such a reaction is completely overblown. Let's look at the facts logically here. Before he passed away anyone could listen to his music on the radio and see his videos on television and the internet. A few could even go and listen to him perform in concert. We still have all of those things recorded. The only thing that the average person is losing is the chance to go see him in concert. So for what they're losing, their sense of loss is completely out of proportion. The media has completely made things too dramatic. The responsibility doesn't lie with them completely because they're only doing what sells and what will make them lots of money. We the people who are buying into such things are the real problem but I can still hope for the media to have enough integrity to be above such ridiculous tactics.

change

Recently i've been contemplating some changes that have been put upon me. I've been reassigned the the ammon 20th branch. I've spent the last 17 months in the 19th branch being as happy as can be. As i try to come to peace with this situation I came across a scripture in 1st Nephi 11:16-17. Nephi is asked the question "knowest thou the condescension of God?" or in other words do you know why God does the things he does and what his purposes in all things are?  and Nephi's response sums up what i need to remember.  he says "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless i do not know the meaning of all things" I know that Heavenly father loves us and that everything that happens to us is because of that but i dont know why things are happening like they are.  I dont know why the branches are being changed in a manner that doesnt make any sense to me(in fact quite the opposite) but i do know that God is in control of it all and that He loves each and every one of us so this will work out for our best interests. I dont know how but i know that he loves us and hopefully that can be enough for me.

Follow the prophet or not?

To start out with I'm going to apologize in advance to anyone who may be offended. I'm not directing my comments at any one person, in fact its a whole big group of people so if you think this applys to you then REPENT and dont be offended because its not my intent to offend anyone.

I recently have been thinking alot about following the prophet. Alot of people say sure I'll follow the prophet but then when they're asked to do something they dont want to do they don't. It completely confuses me. Theres a specific issue which has brought this to mind. For me its something thats really simple to do, maybe its a more difficult commandment for other people to follow but attending the singles branch where you live is something that i'm really picky about. According to the official policy in order to attend a branch where you're not living you have to write a letter to the first presidency and get their approval. If you don't, then you're going directly against the prophet. It's that simple. It's black and white.  Follow the prophet or don't it's up to each individual to decide.

Now at this point I  just sound like some grumpy person who wants to make people feel guilty but i have some doctrine to add. First, Trust in the lord, He's led you to where you are and you're not living where you are by accident. There likely is someone's life that only you can touch and maybe someone needs to have the opprotunity to serve you and touch your life. Second sometimes the lord asks hard things of us. we wouldnt grow at all if life was all peachy and just how we wanted it. If you find it hard to be where you should be keep hanging on, get help, pray hard and do whats right and the lord will get you through it and your testimony will be strengthened. Blessings come after the trial of our faith. Third, the gospel isnt about which singles branch is more fun, sure sometimes other branches have activities that are more fun or better planned or a bigger turnout but that isnt what the gospel is about. The gospel(which is the whole reason for going to church) is about faith, repentance, baptism, recieving the gift of the holy ghost and enduring to the end.

So i've gone through apologetic, grumpy, preachy, and now, to finish things up, back to apologetic. If you felt this message was directed at you it wasnt. I'm not directing this at any one person. Those are just my thoughts on the matter, I wanted to make it abundantly clear where i stand. Feel free to comment if you would like to bring up any points i may have missed.

service

My thoughts lately have turned to service. When I serve i get so much more out of it than the person I serve does. I love the rush of knowing that you've made a difference in someones life. I like to linger with people for a few minutes to listen to them and get to know them because those are the things i think people will remember. Those are the things i remember about people who have served me. I dont remember wether or not people are of a high skill level at what they do and I dont remember what kind of clothes they wore or how popular they were. The things i remember most about the people I admire are things like taking a moment to stop and smile or to listen when I had something to say or people who tried to spend a little extra time with me to make me know that they had my back. And so i've made it a goal to live my life in such a way that people can look back and say he really cared about me and so that I can pass on all the service i've recieved. As i try i see the lord blessing and serving me even more. which leaves me further indebted to him and gives me a greater desire to serve others. I'm convinced that service is the only way to go in life.

Measuring Stick Day

When we grow we don't realize because it happens so slowly(most of the time). Physically we grow up(and sometimes out) and its a slow gradual process. We don't realize how much we're growing until we stop and take out a Measuring stick. Spiritually we grow the same way line upon line precept upon precept grace by grace until we get to where we are. Today i had the privilege of attending my home ward for church and listening to an old friend of mine speak. He just returned home from being a mission president in the Philippines. I guess you could say that listening to him speak was a measuring stick moment for me. He's the type of person that you genuinely want to be good around. I've always felt happy in doing whats right when i know hes around because i know he's proud of me. He spoke about what a mission does to the life of a young man. I paused and reflected what difference my mission made in my life. In short it made all the difference. He talked about overcoming difficulties and how that was part of the process. I thought about a couple companions i had who made my life less than fun. Those 2 transfers or 12 weeks total wouldn't be what i would consider to be part of the best 12 weeks of my life. in fact i might consider them to be the worst 12 weeks I've ever experienced. But let me add a stipulation to that, the worst ever while i was going through them. Now that I'm done with them and I've gained a little bit of hindsight and life experience i can say without a doubt that those difficult times in the mission when i felt like throwing my hands up and saying forget the whole blasted thing were the MOST important times in all of my life. They weren't the best 12 weeks of my life but they were the best 12 weeks for my life.
To get back to my point about measuring sticks i know that i grew a ton on my mission.  Now that I'm home I'm continuing to grow in different areas. Listening to him speak about what a mission does to a person really made me reflect and ask questions like "where have i grown?" where have i faltered?" It made me remember that i need to get back to some basics of missionary work that i had almost set aside. Caring for people, working toward their general welfare, working hard, setting and achieving goals, planning. All of these things became a part of my daily life and have slowly drifted away to some degree. That's certainly a humbling measuring stick for me.

Home run?

Today has been a pretty good day. I woke up a little bit sick but by the end of the day i felt alot better. I went to my math class and spent my time ignoring the teacher. That math class is a sad situation. The teacher is a PHD and everything we're doing is really simple to him so he has no idea whats easy and whats hard for us and so the questions we get are either really easy or really hard but to him they're all really easy. The entire class is upset with him and hes frustrated because he knows everyone is unhappy with him but he has no idea how to change. Sometimes i think all of us are like that about different things(usually not things that are so obvious) and we all have to learn to see ourselves from a new perspective in order to change and progress. After class i came home and i felt pretty sick so i struggled through my sociology final paper and then took like a 2 hour nap before class.  after class i felt fine again so i went and played softball. I was pretty proud of myself because i hit a home run(because of errors but hey a home run is a home run) As i contemplate my day in full i think to myself. I know what i should have done throughout my day now when i look back on it but i didnt do it because at the time i didnt see the importance and so i end the day feeling a little frustrated with myself for not doing as well as i could have but with hope for the future. No home runs in life but hey a home run in a game is just as good right?